All posts filed under: friendship

make friends with chocolate sauce

we’ve got answers

  There was a moment last week when Justice Roberts reminded us that marriage is at the core of our solidarity with the bush people of the Kalahari.  Now, way back a long time ago I was an anthropology student. Did you know that the fat surrounding the heart of an antelope (specifically the eland, a close cousin of the oryx) is a traditional bush-groom gift to the parents of the bush-bride?  I think that’s fascinating.  So fascinating, in fact, so utterly absorbing that I confess I lose my way through what was no doubt a very nuanced legal and moral argument.  Simpleton that I am, I can’t really feature why my sense of solidarity is being called upon to persuade me to exclude some people from this and other joys of a recognized union. Mountaintops, bees, oceans, good sense…so many things are losing out in our generation.  It is deeply calming to be able to say to our children–well, there was this one time when people thought clearly, engaging their hearts and minds together, and …

zing me a song/aromatic salt from A Raisin & A Porpoise

salt of the dearth

One rotten thing about modernity is how the word ‘friend’ has been pilloried and debased.  Oh, I friended her but she unfriended me and now he’s my friend but not my FRIEND-friend–we’re just, you know, friends.  Air-quote, Air-quote. I love my friends.  One unfailing measure, to me, of friendship–the real kind, minus the air quotes and other paraphernalia–is whether I know something about what or how this person likes to eat, and vice versa.  It’s a marker of having spent some time, paid some attention.  Loves cilantro, hates cilantro, allergic to potatoes, can’t stomach white food, will not eat citrus with a meal, dessert first, no green salad in the winter, not crazy about squash.  Those are some of my peeps. Once I have some curious little fact of this nature to file away, I realize me and this person have moved past the opening event. A couple of benefits of friends (not the same as friends with benefits, so don’t you start): they expose you to new things to eat, and they often lead …

stuff now, thank me later/twice-baked potatoes from A Raisin & A Porpoise

later, tater

Sorry I’m late.  I’ve been stuck at a four-way intersection, notorious all over the globe for short-circuiting sensible behavior.  Mine was the place where a fresh wave of grief, my loony agreement to costume the 8th grade play, a very busy season writing and organizing, and a small farm animal in my kitchen all came together. None of these things could have been managed without friendship, and I am absurdly rich in this resource, but the pace of life has felt aerobic even so. My friend Suzi once said to me, as I explained a day that seemed arduous but possible, “there’s the logistics, and then there’s living through it.”  Meaning yes, it is technically feasible to drop your kids off at school, travel 2.5 hours to attend a one-hour event, get back on time for 2:30 pick up, then get dinner on the table and hit the class meeting at 7.  But then there is the state of mind and body that will result, which ought to be part of the calculations. As this …